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Random Thought of The Week


Fall is the time when some trees turn beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and brown. Do you agree with this statement? Most people do. However, can you think of any other time you would say something was a beautiful shade of brown? No. That's because brown is the color of poo. That's just how it is. And another thing, all the trees that don't turn colors in the Fall... what's up with them? Get with it "evergreens!" That really turns my gears! Plus I'm listening to 8-bit versions of Weezer songs now. That's weird, right?


Dave was never a snowman, just a man in the snow. Who woulda thought?


I want to know why bacon always comes in strips?! When I go to Wendy's and order a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, why do I get 2 small strips barely covering the patty? Why don't they make patty sized bacon? One piece would do the job. How easy would that be? Let's get this done people!!!

Lost Burrito

12:45pm: I saw a Taco Bell commercial and they showed an amazing looking burrito. I am so hungry, I think I'll get it.

12:52pm: I'm back from Taco Bell. This burrito looks even better in real life. I am so hungry!

1:03pm: I have lost a burrito. I am worried and I do not know where it has gone. I am not hungry anymore, and I'm a little gassy, but the burrito is gone.

1:32pm: I think about my burrito constantly. I named it "Jack" because it's so close to Halloween. Jack was the greatest burrito ever.

2:11pm: Jack hasn't called. I thought things were going great. Now, no Jack. It hurts.

3:45pm: I saw another Taco Bell commercial. Jack was on it. He must have decided he wanted to get back into acting. He did a great job.

3:50pm: Jack called. He said he met up with a loose taco named Candie. Jack's a slut, but it was good to hear from him.

4:12pm: Jack called again to say that he showed Candie the website and Candie called her dad, Steven Spielberg, to get us into his next blockbuster film. I'm so excited! Adam is going to drop a deuce when he hears about this!

4:15pm: Mr. Spielberg just called!!! He thinks the Shaffer brothers are amazing and should star in his newest film, which will be called "The Best Humans Ever!"

4:16pm: I called Adam to tell him what Spielberg just told me. Adam said he'll be busy the next few days because he's making a Blackjack table for some fun at his Halloween party.

4:18pm: I called Spielberg back to tell him we couldn't do it because Adam is busy. He said it was ok because production wouldn't start for another month, but I knew he was just trying to make me feel better so I respectfully declined. Maybe next time.

4:25pm: I just realized that Steven Spielberg's daughter is a taco. I guess you learn something new every day.

Stupid Questions

A history teacher once told me there is no such thing as a stupid question. I then asked him if I could borrow his roof to finish glazing a dozen doughnuts before the mustard storm.

I think he misheard the question and must have thought I asked to be punched in the neck.


There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

Dog's Face

Oh yes, I love the ol upchuck on the dog's face routine. Gets them every time. They just don't see it coming. Them fools!

Thank goodness for Marge

After Bert used all the mustard, I soon realized this may be the end of the picnic. I packed my cooler and started the car, but then Marge showed up. And although Marge is not mustard, she can throw a mean bocce ball. So I stayed and fed their dog. Oh what a happy day.

1 in 500 million

I was lucky once... Then I was born.


I once had a dog and named him Lucky. We went to vegas together one day. After a night of drinking, we sat down at the blackjack table and lets just say I call him Ralph now.

The Rabbit's Back

I found a cheerio in my shoe the other day. I took the cheerio and put it on a rabbit's back. The rabbit didn't seem as if he liked it as he hopped away. But was it beacuse he had a bad back or just hates cheerios?